Hello! I know, it's been awhile since I've written here although I've written lots of posts in my head, I just can't ever find the time to type it out. So, as I sit here on Mother's Day, my child napping because she wouldn't feed herself at lunch and I'm feeling a bit woe is me, I decided I write my thoughts on today... and the majority of holidays as a single mom.
Let me be honest. Today is Mother's Day... but it's really just another day. I got up, quietly getting ready for church so AR could sleep in, fed the dog, waiting til the last minute to wake her up so we could still get to church on time. She wakes up, gets ready fairly easily but on the way to church, her bowl of dry Raisin Bran tips over and spills all over the backseat. I don't say a word but tears fill the car. I tell her it's not a big deal, we'll vacuum them out after church and we're going to lunch right after so it's fine. Tears stop, we get to church where we meet my mom and immediately, she runs to her. My mom asks if she's told me Happy Mother's Day to which AR mumbles it to me without even looking at me. We go to church, head to lunch and then after lunch, we head home and I tell her she needs to lay down thus ensuing more tears. Now, I'm sitting in the middle of my pitch black living room, reading Facebook posts, and trying not to cry because to me, a single mom, Mother's Day is just another day. There's no breakfast in bed, no homemade card or gift, and barely even a verbal Happy Mother's Day. The same goes for Christmas, Valentine's Day, my birthday, etc... they're all just another day because there's no one to help her or emphasize the importance of the days. For Christmas, I'll buy something for myself and give it to my mom to let AR wrap and give to me. For my birthday, I let her order me a cookie cake and we celebrated with that. I do the best I can, I'm trying as hard as I can but geesh, some days, I feel so incredibly alone. Shoutout to her teacher for the amazing afternoon on Friday that made up for the emptiness of today, I truly appreciate that. AR was so excited about the Mom's Day in her class on Friday and it was a great afternoon but today is still hard.
Six years ago today was my due date. I never expected life to be what it is six years later but it is what it is. I have a beautiful, sweet daughter, who may not realize today is supposed to be special for me, but she is my greatest blessing. So, instead of sitting here moping and feeling bad for making her take a nap, I'm going to go lie down beside her and get a few extra snuggles .
