Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Some Inspiration I Am...

...and the big breakdown that I knew was coming. WARNING: This post is not sugar coated!!! Coming off a HORRIBLE weekend and a bad Monday (a Monday I chose to start a diet making it even worst), I had the WORST idea ever (next to the October Running Adventure I haven't announced yet-who am I kidding? There is no way I will ever be able to do that, tonight was just the wake-up call that I needed), I thought I'd go join the Monday night running group at the new running store in town. After I realized I was standing in a pool of shirtless males who could probably run a full marathon in the time it took me to complete a half, I should have turned around and walked out but stupid me knew that I needed to get my miles in so what the hell, right?

More like WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING??? Within 2 minutes, see ya they were all gone, now really, what's the point of a running group if I'm going to be running solo, I could have done this on my own time in neighborhood I was familiar with instead I was left alone in an unfamiliar neighborhood with a map in my sweaty hand and a water bottle in the other. At first, still being naive and optimistic I thought I could do this on my own, after about a half a mile and I STILL hadn't found the first turn, I could feel the doubt rising and that lump in my throat, you know that lump when you know the waterworks are about to arrive but you're trying to keep them away? Yeah, that one. So I finally said screw it and turned around to head back mad at myself for not getting my miles, mad at myself for not sticking to what I know and even more mad at myself for thinking that I'm a real "runner"...who am I kidding, I'm one of those poser kids, you know the one that wears dark lipstick and trenchcoats but at home I listen to N'SYNC (okay that's really dating me but you get the idea), anyways, I'm not a runner, I'm just a runner wannabe.

I finally make it back and stick my head in the store to tell the guy I was back so they wouldn't worry about the only girl in the group and what happened to her, I didn't want them watching the news or looking in creeks for my dead body. I said I'm back and thanks (thanks for nothing but I had no one to blame but myself). He said, "Oh too hot out there?" I just turned and left knowing he was thinking, yep, big girl couldn't take the heat.

Do you ever just have times where no matter what, everything goes wrong? That's the period that I'm in currently, I can't win for losing and I knew this breakdown was coming with a few weeks into my busy time, family stuff, running stuff, weight-loss stuff, the whole gauntlet of everything.

So I hope the sobbing I did on the car ride home burned some calories. I'm going to go back to my 1pm running dates with Ellen and treadmill #15. Maybe I should just stick to 5Ks...

15 comments :

Jen said...

You know what - that is inspiration. Not in a cabillion years would I ever think to go to a group like that. You're awesome for having the positive attitude about it! Now the sausage fest - you can't control. they are the super freaky ones who live to run and probably don't have wifes or girlfriends. While you like running, but I'm sure you have a fantatic hubby to go home to who is proud of you no matter what you do.

Heck, I know mine is proud when I take the dog for a walk.

Let's start a slow girls run club - I would so sign up and we can get t-shirts that say "We're slow - deal." We can run down highway K and of course they would be hot pink and fabulous!

Hope you have a better day - but you know - you once again gave me inspiriation!

Jennelle said...

Ditto Jen--you're out there trying, and THAT is the inspiration!

Sometimes, you have to have a breakdown to move on. You ARE a runner, not some wannabe. And don't you forget it!

Christy said...

I want to second what Jen and Jennelle said. You ran a freakin' half-marathon! You are no poser.

Wish I lived nearby so I could be in the Slow Girls Run Club!

(And I am going to laugh all day at Jen's "sausage fest" line!)

Randall @ Happy For This Moment said...

Oh, that sounds so frustrating! I can't even run around the block so you should be so proud of yourself for doing all that you have done. So maybe you need to reevaluate your next races but, goodness, that doesn't mean you're not a runner!

Cecilia said...

:o) You are still an inspiration to me. I wish I could cheer you up, but I know I would probably have beat myself up too. I wouldn't be out here doing the C25K if you weren't an inspiration. Now my husband is doing it too and he HATES running. Look at the lives you are touching and improving! I love ya girl. I wish I lived closer so I could run with ya.

Chelsea said...

You are totally not a poser. When fact, when I think about your blog it's no longer "a girl's blog about nothing really" it's "a runner's blog about all her accomplishments and races." TRUE STORY.

You should be proud of yourself.

But I do understand the need for some serious cry fests. Sometimes they are necessary.

Mary said...

You know what? It IS too hot out there! Don't beat yourself up about it. You have accomplished a lot and are definitely not a poser runner. Running is hard enough as it is without having to deal with the added stress of a situation like that. Stick with it because you're doing great!

Stephany said...

It's funny because my mom has these same thoughts many times, especially when she hears of other people's race finishing times. But now she's training for a marathon. And sure, she's not the fastest on the track. She's not going to place even in the top 100. But she's still a runner.

You are not a poser. What that running club was for people who probably run triathlons, a marathon a month, and are scary serious about running.

In all honesty, you can't complete a half-marathon and not consider yourself a runner. YOU ARE! Believe in yourself!

Alicia said...

Don't get down on yourself! You are seriously brave for even attempting to go with them. So you couldn't keep up, you are still an awesome inpiration to all of us. I feel bad that you were lost and I can only imagine your panic, but keep your chin up and keep running. I wish I had your strength and motivation. Lord knows I am going to need some after this little girl makes her appearance and I try to get back in shape.

Faith said...

Don't be so down! You ran a FREAKING HALF MARATHON. I can't even run across the street to my mailbox without collapsing! Plus having an Old Man Toe doesn't allow me to run. It's a great excuse. :) Does the store have a different running group? Maybe one for newer runners? What about looking for a running group on meetup.com? Hang in there hon!

"A" said...

I agree with what everyone has said on here especially with Jen! You are wonderful and you are a runner! Don't let anyone tell you anything different. Now...turn that frown upside down! :) Can't wait to meet you in person tomorrow night!

JC said...

Awe, I'm so sorry! I know what you mean about times where everything goes wrong. Def not fun! I'm sorry this is happeneing to you. You are awesome for even showing up and going to the running group. I'd be too chicken to go. I wish you lived near me and we could go running together! For now I just stick to the treadmil at my gym too.

Adie said...

You always say you have failed, when you haven't If I would have walked into that intimidating situation I would have actedlike I was in the wrong place and left. But you stayed, and gave it a shot. It isn't always about completing it is about putting in the effort and trying new things. Good job! I am sorry things suck right now, but it is temp.!!

Jen said...

Sometimes you just need to cry and get it out, but don't let this keep you down! It's a lesson learned. Who wants to run with a bunch of sweaty guys anyway? (Unless it's Johnny Depp and Christian Bale, which I doubt was the case.)

You've got this. Do what works best for you, and you'll see the most results. Heck, I'm impressed you even took initiative to join a running group. Me? I could never.

Amanda said...

Girl we ALL have days like this. You can't expect to be a super runner with those dudes when you're just starting. I see your updates on FB and honestly, I could NEVER run 6 miles..EVER! And you run 5, 6 consistently! Keep at it and you'll be kicking those guys' ass in no time. We love ya!