Mother's Day 2017

Today I celebrated my FIFTH Mother's Day with AR. Those five years have been a whirlwind of change, happiness, tears, love, fear, the unknown, and so much more, and you know what? I wouldn't change any of it for one minute. Every thing I've been through in the five years since I've had AR and all the years leading up to May 18, 2012 have made me the mother I am today. I'm not perfect, I'm not even close. I'm impatient. I'm demanding but I would do anything in the world for this girl. I love her and I love her hard. This little diva is my whole world, my best friend, my partner in crime, my biggest cheerleader, and she's stuck with me whether she likes it or not!

I started the day off feeling awful, allergies, sinuses, and all that other gunk but I'm a single mom and even though it was Mother's Day, there was things to get done. AR and I headed outside where I mowed the yard and I'll be honest, I was feeling a little down because it was Mother's Day and I had to do laundry, mow the yard, wash dishes, pack lunch, etc... After I finished mowing, I decided I was going to tackle putting together the trampoline I got AR for her birthday. My girl came to help me and all my sadness was gone. Sure, I wasn't "getting the day off" but I had the best helper ever right there beside me. We may not have gotten it all done but we worked together and she was cheering me along the whole time.

We were waiting around to see what Nanny wanted to do but she was having some people come over to help her unload the truck from Florida. So AR and I headed to Six Flags which I was still feeling pretty awful but we still had a good time. I introduced her to the Joker ride which she loves now. We didn't stay too long and then headed to Nanny's. After our showers, I remembered that we needed to take our annual Mother's Day photo which turned into an impromptu photoshoot.

AR asked to take some pictures of me and I have to say this is now my favorite picture of myself because it's through the eyes of my daughter. No make-up, no professional photographer, just a girl taking a picture of her momma.

Then our pictures from Mother's Day every year!

Mother's Day is always bittersweet. I will never forget the struggle and heartache we endured trying to get pregnant. I'm beyond grateful to be a mother but I hate that so many of my friends are struggling to get their miracle. I pray for them every day that they get their own blessing like I did with my AR. So, Happy Mother's Day to all the moms, women like moms, men like moms, moms-to-be, furbaby moms, moms to angels, waiting moms, and future moms, we all deserve to be celebrated!

P.S.

If you can't tell from how all over the place this post is, I'm suffering from a major headache and headed to bed now! Sorry for the rambling and randomness!

Our Village

I've started referencing "our village" here and there on the blog so I figured I'd explain it a bit. We've all heard the saying before, "It takes a village to raise a child." As a single mom, I depend heavily on "our village." Here's a run down of "our village" in no particular order...

Matt-This one seems a bit obvious as we are the parents of said child that we are raising. It's difficult enough to raise a child under the same roof, try doing it under two! We struggle, we aren't perfect, but we both understand the end goal that it's up to us to raise her to be a strong, independent woman.

Our Families-Luckily, we have family close by! Matt's mom takes her to school and picks her up most days for us so we don't have to pay childcare. Matt's sister is literally less than five minutes from us to help out in a jam. My mom is moving back to Missouri and will be about fifteen minutes from us so it'll be nice having that help, especially with my work schedule. My sister has driven forty minutes out of her way to help with AR. My dad is always a phone call away to answer any question I have. We have been blessed to have such loving and supportive families.

Co-Workers-These people deserve an award! They get to hear it all, the good, the bad, the ugly. They've passed on clothes to AR, which are always in tip top shape then my kid wears something once and it's stained for life-they're like ninja moms when it comes to that. They've helped me through my darkest times, they've calmed my nerves when there was a lice outbreak at school, and they make sure to let me know I'm not alone... ever.

Friends-When life gets hard, your true friends shine through, everything from simple texts to see how we're doing, to inviting us over when our weekend ends up free due to a cancelled flight thanks to a hurricane, to coming over for dance parties in ice storms with salt for our driveway, brand new shoes for AR, playdates in a pinch, and the list goes on! There is no way I would be able to make it without the amazing friends in our lives that are more like family.

Strangers-What? How can strangers be part of our village? I have said it before and I will say it again and again every time it's proven to be true... people are placed in our lives, on our paths at the exact time for a reason. Whether it be the Yankees fan that sat next to us at spring training and gave us his Cardinals popcorn helmet that turned into our Easter egg basket at the hotel the next morning or the random grandparents and their granddaughter that we met over our spring break trip, they were placed in our lives for a reason and they are part of our village.

Raising a child is tough, especially when said child is a sassy four-year-old going on fourteen, but when we have a village like ours, I know we're on the right track. To those of you in our village, saying thank you will never be enough for the impact you've had on our lives, but thank you nonetheless. To those not in our village, I'm sure our paths will cross when they are supposed to and so, I'll say thank you in advance.

#lovemyAR #ourvillage

Photo by Oh Snap Two Girls Photography

"You're a Good Mom" Guilt

So lately I've been having a lot of "you're a good mom" guilt. What's that? Well, it's when people tell me I'm such a good mom and I feel guilty because I don't feel like it. Sure, I do super awesome things with her, I've given her more experiences already than most people have in a lifetime, and she really is a pretty well behaved little girl. Here lately though, it seems like she wants nothing more than to terrorize her mama. Let me be honest right here and say my four year old has turned into a teenager. It's constant tears, disobedience, and so much more lately... but only for mama. When I asked her teacher at school, she said, she's doing great and gives hugs to everyone. Luckily, I have a good support team that helps me put her on track when she's being a little too sassy. But seriously, every morning there's tears for a variety of reasons... she doesn't want to wear the outfit (we picked out together the night before), I pulled her hair too hard (with hair like hers, it's bound to happen), the seam on her sock doesn't match up, I put the sock on the outside of her pants and not the inside, I put the sock on the inside of her pants and not the outside, she doesn't want to go to school, babysitter's, gymnastics, etc... it's like she finds every possible thing to complain about and rolls it all into one giant fit of tears first thing in the morning as we're trying to walk out the door. 

*deep breath* 

Okay, I know we've been through a LOT the past year... divorce, death, friends/neighbors moving, etc... but my little girl is a smart one, she knows how to play you. I battle between empathy and apathy, hard love and tender love, and all I know is that being a good mom is hard stuff! There's no manual that comes with a baby that tells you how to handle these things. Sure, there's 999 thousand articles on the Internet to read plus 999 thousand people who want to give you your advice but the best advice I've ever gotten and that I try to only give is, it's your kiddo, you know what's best so follow your gut but sometimes I'm just simple like WTH am I doing? 

And it's not just her giving me a hard time, it's the world, the people out there. Some people are really cruel whether they mean it or not. One kid asked AR why she didn't have a little sister and it broke both her and my heart. That is just an innocent example. Here's an example of a cruel stranger that infuriated me and I felt like I failed AR. I took AR to get her nails done because she was going to the Daddy~Daughter Dance. She was finished and I wasn't yet so she was sitting in the kid chairs and talking to John, the store owner who was doing a pedicure for another lady. She wasn't speaking loudly or interrupting, just asking John questions. Out of nowhere, this old lady yells at AR, "Knock it off!" I caught the tail end of it and told AR to come over to me. I asked if the lady was talking to her and what she had been doing. She said yes, the lady was talking to her and she'd just been talking to John. I wasn't really sure what had happened but I was confident that my daughter hadn't done anything to deserve to be talked to like that. Trust me, if my daughter is in the wrong, I'm the first one to get on to her and make her apologize. My mom always gets on me for being too hard on her but I'm trying my best to raise a respectful, well-mannered young lady. My blood was BOILING and luckily, we had a friend with us that talked me down from saying anything. The whole situation was just bizarre and I still wasn't even sure that the lady was entirely talking to her when we left. A couple hours later, I get a phone call from John apologizing for the lady speaking to AR that way and he wanted to make sure she was okay. I asked him if AR had been doing anything she shouldn't have and he confirmed that she was just talking to him and that he lady didn't really have a reason to yell at her like that. It made me feel better that AR wasn't out of line but I really regretted not saying something to that lady now. Either way, I thought it was above and beyond for the store owner to call us and apologize for something out of his control. I'm just glad that AR didn't seem too upset by it because the lady's need to yell at my child to knock it off could've easily ruined a very special day for her. And what was she wanting her to knock off? Being friendly? Being inquisitive? Being a child? I kind of feel like I failed AR by not saying something to that lady. 

*deep breath*

Some days I feel like I really rock the whole mom thing and others I feel like I'm failing miserably. At the end of the day though, my girl always asks to cuddle and love with me before bed. And that, my friends, is how I know I'm a good mom. I might be screwing up everything else, fighting over socks on the inside or out, destining her for hours and hours of therapy when she's older but when my baby girl looks at me and says she loves me, I know I'm doing something right. 

On Being a Mom...

...they say that having a child changes your life and let me tell you it has! And I'm not talking about the obvious, here's what I'm talking about...

*Spit up is not as gross as it was before. A little spit up on your shirt ain't no thang. Burp clothes? Those are for the baby to know where NOT to spit up because I swear everytime, she does, it goes anywhere but on the cloth!

*I always thought babies with boogers in their nose was gross. Now I think boogers in the nose is a great idea! It's easier to hear the baby through the monitor at night.

*I remember seeing dirty diapers and thinking how gross poopy diapers are. Now that are just part of our every day routine and I look forward to them. I look forward to them because it's a sign that all is good and she's getting enough to eat.

*1am was late, 5am was early...now all hours between 11pm and 5am just blend together and are neither early or late.

*Poop is a daily, sometimes hourly, topic.

*When I hear the word "pump" or "pumping," it takes on a whole new meaning.

*You will do anything and everything to make your baby laugh. No matter how dumb you look...and you will look pretty silly.

*I now fully understand the saying, "No use crying over spilled milk." However, I 100% disagree.

*Any mom is fair game for the gauntlet of questions I have regarding poop, breastfeeding, sleep, etc...

But the bottom line is...I wouldn't change it for anything!