Here I am after the race holding my free Smoothie King smoothie. Sorry, I'm crouching, this was a timer where the camera was set on the hood of my car. Quickly after this picture I sped off to work. 
Okay, so let's get into this whole race thing. WARNING: This is not a good post and it is not a pity post, it's a what's really going through that crazy mind of mine post. I'd looked at the race results from last year and saw that the slowest person finished in 1 hour and 17 minutes. So crap, I'm stressing all week that I'm going to finish last because my goal time was 1 hour and 15 minutes. I start off doing well, rocking out to my workout playlist that my sister created me, I glance behind me and notice that I am pretty close to the end of the pack but there's still quite a few people back there.Mile 1 goes by, then mile 2 then somewhere between 2-4 (I totally didn't see the sign for mile 3), I realize there's only 3 people behind me. I glance at my I-Touch and I'm off pace, WAY off pace. I start to panic and get really down on myself, I'm near tears as I think to myself, "How am I ever going to finish a half marathon?!?" And let me tell you from the waist up I felt good, I was breathing fine, wasn't cramping it was my damn heavy legs of stone. My shins were hurting, my hips pulling, I felt like I could walk faster than my legs were shuffling along. I told myself DO.NOT.CRY. or there is no way you will ever finish. I get out of the school we ran through and noticed that the race crew is picking up all the cones behind us-how embarrassing.
I turn back to the main road and realize I'm not going nearly as fast as I can. A couple ladies were right in front of me so I tried to keep pace with them which really helped then they took off and I lost them. I just kept thinking hurry up and finish, maybe the time won't be as bad as you think it is. After mile 4, some lady passed me who seemed like she would be in good shape so I tried to stay fairly close to her. All of 4 and about half of 5 she was ahead of me then I realized I was getting closer. Suddenly during mile 5, I found my pace and was running...easy! I was able to catch this lady then she'd stop to walk then speed up to me again then stop to walk then speed up to me again. She tried talking to me but my I-Touch was up super loud so I just smiled and nodded then took off. I crossed the finishing line feeling strong but very disappointed when the clock said 1:19:30 (1 hour 19 minutes 30 seconds). Not only did I miss my goal of 1.15 but that's almost a 13 minute mile pace not to mention I finished 4th to last. Angie was there cheering me on at the finish line so after a quick thanks to her and grabbing my free smoothie, I was off to work.
At work, I was very quiet and didn't say much. My "team" and I talked about the race so they tried to discourage others from asking about it because they knew I was upset. I didn't think to much about it but when I got in the car to drive home, I broke down and lost it. Yes, I finished and it was my first 10K ever. I thought it would be a good idea to get something longer than a 5K under my belt before the half-marathon. And let me tell you, physically the race wasn't that hard it was a pure mental thing. But I felt like such a failure!!! Way off pace, fourth to last, I feel like I let everyone down...myself, my co-workers who are always asking me about my workouts and encouraging me, my blog friends who think I'm doing great, my running friends at Daily Mile...pause while I wipe away some tears...
There is just so much going on in my life right now and I thought running would be a good, healthy outlet but now I just feel like this adds to the list of my disappointments and failures. But like my dad reminded me this morning, I told him once that, "I'm not a quitter" so I'll keep trucking on and training for the half on June 5. Hopefully it'll go better than today.
10 comments :
Oh, man, I hate feeling disappointed in myself!
First and foremost, congrats on finishing your first 10K! I'm sorry you didn't meet your goal, but you WERE very close. And it sounds like the people who run this race are hardcore!
You can do it, keep it up! :)
oh lys this post broke my heart. I wanted to cry right with you, but try not to feel sad, you accompluished a MAJOR goal! It can only get better! You might have just had an off day. Be happy that you finished and I know after more training you'll get faster. i really don't want you to be down, I really like you and think you're awesome, if that makes you feel any better!
So I'm not going to do what people said to me when I was unhappy with my time. "At least you finished." (Well, yeah, but it was a 5K and if I couldn't finish a 5K there is something seriously wrong with me! Sigh.) Anyway, my heart was just breaking for you in this post! It really, really sucks when you set out to achieve something and you fall short. I experienced this in my last race and I'm sorry you have to go through this as well.
All I can say is that it gives you something to work towards and like Angie said, maybe you were just having an off day. It happens, even during races.
Hugs, girl! You will be able to do the half-marathon, I just know it. This will gives you added motivation to see yourself succeed and feel the taste of that victory! :)
You have to start somewhere!! Congrats on the accomplishment of your first 10K!! Now, you know you will be able to do better next time, and that is going to be amazing...redemption is so sweet :)
Not sure how I found your blog but I'm glad I did. I'm training for a 5K - my first - and your 13 minute mile sounds like heaven to me! Believe it or not, this post has really encouraged me to keep going.
I just wanted to say I know how you felt about setting a goal and not making it. But you did actually do the race and that is something to feel good about. You did the 10K - the half marathon's next. I can tell from your post you are determined and you'll make it.
Besides, you did get a free smoothie out of it! :-)
Dude, I can't even run around the block, so you're already kickin' my booty! You were just off your goal time by a little bit so don't get too discouraged. Running is hard. You'll find your pace and you'll do well. Practice makes perfect and this was your first one. Hang in there!
I know you are disappointed in your time, but finishing a half marathon is a huge accomplishment! I say chalk it up to "first race jitters", and keep pushing yourself for your next race!
Are you able to run the course for the next half ahead of time? Maybe that would also help you pace yourself?
Seriously, you should be so proud of yourself! I can't even run a few blocks so even doing a half marathon is an accomplishment.
Keep up your good work!
Reach for the moon. Even if you don't quite get there, you'll land among the stars.
Just finishing a 10K is a major feat! Don't be discouraged, I'm totally inspired by you sweetie. Congrats on being a star! =]
Sorry you were disappointed with your race finish, but I am happy for you. I have never run a distance that long--nice work.
At least you got credit for finishing. I remember running a 4th of July 8K and I ran one of my best races ever. Unfortunately, there was a mix-up at the finish line and my completing the course was not recorded (before electronic stuff and all).
It was as if I slept in that morning and did not race at all despite the drenched sweaty shirt. I was disappointed to say the least.
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