Marathon Mixed Feelings...

...so people, I'm running a marathon, or shall we say attempting to, this Sunday. That's 26 POINT TWO miles, as you runners out there know, we can't forget that .2, it's what'll make or break you. Last Sunday, I had a really woe is me post about the marathon on Daily Mile. To be honest, I don't feel nearly as prepared or even as excited as I did for the half. I mean maybe because when I did the half it was something I never EVER thought I could do so I was super pumped about it. While I've never ran a marathon either, I know I can do half of it, heck I know I can do 20 miles so maybe that's part of it too. Who knows?

For the half, I had a training plan and I followed it to a T only skipping one week after my awful 10k then got back on track. Well, my training road to this marathon has been a bumpy one. I started off on a plan that was way too advanced and overwhelming to me which totally got me discouraged and off course for a couple weeks. I found another plan that was much more my level and I started it the week after the Fourth of July. I did pretty well staying on track and even squeezing in some triathlon training for our team tri in August. Then September hit and I totally took a major detour in training. Instead of following the plan exactly, I used it more as a guideline which was probably not a good idea since I'm definitely no expert. I did get in a 20 mile run which I felt like if I could survive that then I could definitely suck it up for 6.2 more miles and finish a marathon.

However, after the 20 miler, I've had no desire to run and it took away the excitement of the marathon too. Maybe because I knew what it would feel like and I was kind of bummed out about my time was part of it? Again, who knows? So anyways, I definitely don't feel prepared enough so I'm just going to go out and do my best. I had a goal time in mind but after the 20 miler, I really have no freakin' clue how long it's going to take me. We're shooting for 7 hours but it could be longer and it could be shorter (doubtful but maybe!), I just have NO idea.

My DM and running buddy Sherrie is coming all the way from Kansas just to pace me, which I'm so thankful for because this marathon doesn't have pace groups. I know I will be relying on her heavily not only for pace but hydration, entertainment and definitely advice. Sherrie is my Running God and Running Hero. No clue what I'd do without her! We're going to start at a 13 minute pace, running two miles then walking 2 minutes. She's going to make sure I'm hydrated and taking in fuel every 45 minutes which means I need to pick up some more Hammer Gel or Gu. Matt's going to meet us on the course, I've got co-workers at mile 9 to cheer me on and a ton of friends (including fabulous bloggy ones!) meeting me at the finish line so I AM really excited about that. My dad might even come which awesome. My dad was my biggest fan when I played soccer and softball in high school so it'll be nice to have him there if he can make it.

I spent my day off on Tuesday getting ready for the marathon, laying out my clothes, packing my food bag, buying some Gatorade. I cleaned out the guestroom (as best I could), put on fresh sheets for Sherrie and left a little pile of goodies for her which include O'Fallon Pumpkin Beer (I thought something local would be fun), a gift card to Sports Authority, a Runners 4 Luke running shirt (there will be 5 of us wearing these on Sunday so look for us in lime green!) and some K coasters (some of you girls know where those came from!). I hope she likes it and understands how much I appreciate her help.

The truth be told, I'm a planner and a think aheader (yes, I think I just made that word up). So while I haven't even finished the full, I'm already planning and ready for the next big challenge in my life. It's kind of taken the focus off the full, which again might be part of the reason I'm not nearly as excited. To be honest, I decided to run this marathon, not in preparation for the next challenge, but to prove to myself I could do it before I moved on. I'm not even sure if that's the right way to word it but it's the best I can for now. As of Sunday, my heart and mind just really wasn't in it but this is something I have to do for me and I know I can. I've given myself an attitude adjustment so I'm really excited and nervous but still extremely overwhelmed.

I've got in some good, small runs this week (3 miles Monday & Wednesday, 2 miles Thursday) and I'm going to probably take one of the dogs for a walk tomorrow just to stay loose. Luckily, we have a crazy day full of weddings (Matt's a groomsman in one and I'm the DOC in the other) to take my mind off everything. The truth is, these weddings have created a lot of drama and stress for Matt and I so while I'm glad it'll keep me busy and my mind off the full, I really have mixed feelings about it. I don't want to split up tomorrow, and I don't mean that as in I'm a clingy wife who has to have my husband by my side. Without going into much detail, there's drama with both weddings and I mean come on, what fun is drama? And when there is some, wouldn't you rather have your husband by your side to support you? Point being, I'm stressed over the weddings but I'm going to do my best to try to push all that aside, enjoy the weddings and not to get too worked up.

Just as a precautionary measure, I did tell Matt what he needed to do if anything happened to me. Appointments to cancel, people to call, bills to pay or that I scheduled so he didn't have to worry about them. He just rolled his eyes at me but I mean, seriously, stuff happens so I'd rather him be prepared than have no clue what to do, right?

I'm hoping to have a full race report for my Monday post but it really depends on how I'm feeling. Heck, I'm hoping that I'll be able to take a shower after the marathon, much less type up a full race report! Either way, I will definitely update you on Monday with something even if the full report doesn't come until later.

So there you have it friends, my crazy mixed feelings on the marathon. I've had a ton of support on here, on Daily Mile, my co-workers, friends and I know I've got some awesome people that are going to be waiting for me at the finish line so all that right there is motivation enough. It may not be pretty, I may take the whole 9 hour time limit, I'll whine, I'll want to cry, I probably won't be able to feel my legs by mile 18 but I will.not.quit. Sunday's run is for me...for my next challenge in life...to push myself further than I've ever been pushed. If I can do this then I can do anything.