Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Perk, Downer, Frustrating...

...I'm a bachelorette this week! It's that time of year that my husband takes vacation and camps out at the fairgrounds with his BFF Tom. It's has its ups and downs.

Perk-I get a whole week of the house to myself...no one fighting over the channel, cooking dinners for two, spreading out and sleeping in the entire bed, not listening to the alarm go off at 4am for an hour (because he INSISTS on setting it that early), no packing lunches...its like a vacay for me too and I enjoy my break!

Downer-Since we first got together, I tried to get involved with the fair but honestly, no one has ever taken me up on the offer to help (maybe they just don't like me?). I've helped with the dinner auction a couple years but it's not the same as the week of the fair. The first 3 years we were together, I went to the fair EVERY night to visit him. I'd always offer to bring dinner or snacks but Matt always declined. A couple years ago, I went out one night to find out that Tom's gf had brought dinner for them and everyone (including her) raved about how good it was (it really was good!). After that I quit offering. I now instead make plans during that week to go out with the girls or my mom (my dad may even be my date to a wedding this weekend). I used to take my niece at least one night to the fair but honestly, it's a lot of driving to get her, to get to the fair, to drive her home for only a couple hours at the fair.

Frustrating-I know Matt enjoys having his own "thing." But it really hurts my feelings that he invests so much time into something without me. It's not that I'm against it, it's a great cause and good people. But I mean, he takes 1 of his 2 weeks of vacation to spend without me, he doesn't care that I don't come, he doesn't let me try to help or be a part of it. His excuse-he's done this since BA (Before Alyssa) when in actuality the first year we dated was the first year he started this. Its hard to deal with but I just try to look at the perks and know that after his one week with the fair and fun, he'll be back home. And I'm finding my niche with organizations that I can volunteer and be a part of as well.

Marriage...no one said it's easy. It's all about finding the middle ground and each of us being happy.


Anonymous said...

That does sound extremely frustrating. I'm not sure how I would handle it. I get the same way when my husband wants to spend more than a day doing something without me. I hate it! But, it sounds like you're making the best of it or trying! Keep your chin up!

Faith said...

I think it's great to both have your own things and I think you're making the best of it. John and I are both very independent and need our alone time, and I think it's why we work so well. However, I'm usually the one that leaves John behind and while he loves it the first few days I know he gets lonely and misses me. Then it gets hard because I'm generally so busy that I don't have time to miss him and I know that hurts him too. It's a tough one. Good luck!

Sarah said...

Andy and I have had similar experiences. When we got together, I was riding a lot and showing, and he would get upset that I wasn't around as much. At the same time, I sometimes get frustrated that he spends so much time with toy buddies and doesn't think to include me. It's been harder now that I'm not riding any more. It does take work, and we do talk about making sure we find quality time to spend together. We aren't always successful, but we do try.