Thursday, November 25, 2010

A Day to Be Thankful...

...Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Today I'm going to share a story with you all to let you know what I'm thankful for...

Last week, an emotional me posted on the wrong blog about "Non Stop Tears." As soon as I realized it, I quickly deleted it but some of you were still able to read the post in Google Reader. If you read it, you were probably confused to all get out-what in the world is she talking about?!?! So now it's time that I come clean...Matt and I have been trying for "only" a year to have a baby but at "only" six months, we were titled with infertility. Please click on that link for a wonderful video that will help to explain just a little bit of what we've felt, been through and what's ahead of us. I've cried, I've been angry, I've questioned why more times than I can count and I've screamed many times that "It's not fair!" but it hasn't helped or changed the situation. I've seen many babies enter the world and watched the proud new mommas only to have my heart break a little each time knowing that I might never have that feeling. I've heard every single ridiculous comment out there that could be made, some coming from our family and close friends.

Matt and I have pushed each other away only to pull each other back because more than ever we need each other now. He's held my hand during doctors appointments where tears just streamed down my face, he's listened to my crazy rants and raves, he's injected me with shots and told me he's proud of me and how brave I am. He's gotten his hopes up with me, only to have them crushed but through it all he's loved me. In our anniversary card, I wrote something along the lines of this journey really sucks but "I wouldn't want to go through it with anyone else." Today I am thankful for having him experience this with me, I'm thankful for his patience, I'm thankful for the way he knows how to hold me and take care of me. In my eyes, he's an awesome husband-I love you Pretty!

I'm also thankful for all of my amazing real-life and blog friends. When I accidentally posted, I had at least 4 emails in my inbox asking what was going on and if I was okay. If I replied and was snippy, I apologize because I was in a really bad place last week in this journey. I had friends calling to check on me, inviting me over, sending me cards, praying for me, and I even had a friend stand in a bathroom stall with me holding all my meds while I shot myself in the stomach. Girl-thank you and I hope I didn't traumatize you for life!

So even though we're going through this crazy journey called infertility, I still have so many things and people to be thankful for and in the long run, that's what ultimately matters. Thank you for being such awesome, rock star people! I have a separate blog that documents our infertility journey if you'd like to read it. It's not a happy one but it's written for me and to help other women out there going through this same thing know that they aren't alone and if I can help one woman or couple then it's worth it to put my story out there. I've met some really amazing women through that blog who have offered me support, guidance and knowledge through our journey. I don't plan to discuss our journey or treatments on this blog but please feel free to leave me any questions you might have and I'll do my best to answer them or point you in the right direction. My only words of wisdom are that everyone's infertility journey is different, we all have different diagnoses, different treatments, different doctors and we're ulimately all different people so how I feel, think and react to things may be different than someone else going through this.

Thank you for being who you are, you are the best! I hope you have a safe and thankful Thanksgiving!

8 comments :

Jennelle said...

I only read the first part--when I tried to click through, it was gone. I am so sorry for what you're going through! I even told my hubs the snippet I read, and that I was worried about you! I'm glad that you were comfortable enough with us blog readers to come out and share your story--we're here for support!

Julie said...

Good luck on your journey. I have never personally been on that journey but have a good friend who, this year, was put into the same position as you and your husband so I have heard about some of the struggles. Know that we all are here for you and know that the right thing will happen at the right time :)

Happy Gobble Gobble Day!

Stephany said...

Thank you so much for sharing this with us, Alyssa. I had figured something was up with your response because it wasn't a typical Alyssa response. I'm so, so, so sorry you have to go through this. I'm glad you have had Matt to lean on and send me an e-mail anytime. I may not be able to offer any advice, but I'm always here for a listening ear.

Love ya, girl. Have a great Thanksgiving!

Cecilia said...

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know it's not an easy thing to talk about. I love you! I am so proud of you for everything you have done and are doing. You are such an inspiration. I will send you all the happy thoughts, vibes and prayers I can muster up. And then even more.c

Angie said...

I know we've talked a bit about this and you know I love you more than life itself and am praying hard for you and Matt. I'm proud of you for putting this out there. I know it was hard for you. No matter what you need or where you are, I'm here for you.

Loyally,

Skitzo ;)

xoxo

Adie said...

I thought I was all caught up on your blog. I am so sorry you are going throught this. Wish I lived closer. Miss you! Your pretty amazing with your happy face everytime you take a picture with one of your friends. That is pretty awesome!!

Faith said...

I'm just got caught up on my backlog of reading. Thank you for sharing you story over her for all of us. Hang in there girl!

Hilary Lane said...

I know I'm super late on this one, but I just wanted to let you know that even though I have no understanding of what you're going through, I'm around if you need to talk! You've been great at being there for me when I just want to vent/overshare :-)/whatever. I hope I can return the favor!!