Saturday, April 19, 2014

Take Responsibility: Adult Choices...

…I don’t normally post controversial topics on my blog, but when I read this story, I knew I had to say something. It was weighing heavy on my heart, I couldn’t get it out of my mind, tears fell from my eyes as I couldn’t even imagine the pain of sitting in that room staring at the monitor.
You can read the original article here, but I’ll give you a brief summary. This couple struggled to conceive on their own until they finally had a baby through IVF. Ready to add to their family, they decided to undergo another treatment of IVF transferring three embryos. All three took and the mother opted for terminating two embryos and only carrying one to term.
When you go through fertility treatments, most people wish and hope for twins, or even triplets, but the likelihood of having multiples is slim. Still, it’s exciting to think about. I remember after my ER (egg retrieval) when Dr. K retrieved 16 eggs. I internally freaked out, thinking OMG, what are we going to do with 16 eggs! But only 12 were mature enough to fertilize. Then only eight fertilized. We transferred two and three made it to freeze. You see where I’m going with the thought of multiples quickly diminishing?
As the days led up to our FET (frozen embryo transfer), Matt and I debated whether to transfer all three or only two. We discussed this in depth, consulted with our doctor, and fully understood that by transferring all three, we were accepting the responsibility of potentially three or more children…at the same time. Let me again, repeat, we were accepting the RESPONSIBILITY that should all three embryos implant, we would be ready to love, care, and be the best parents we could be to ALL of the babies.
After my second beta test, I scurried the Internet and realized I was off the chart for triplets. My immediate thought was OMG-Matt is going to kill me, he was in favor of transferring two, while I said let’s transfer all three because the third probably wouldn’t survive another freeze. That thought was quickly replaced with the thrill and excitement of having our dream come true…whether it was one or two or three babies. We’d been trying and praying for a baby so long, and whether we had all of them now or later, it didn’t matter. After my first ultrasound, it was determined that I was indeed pregnant with twins.
I’m not going to sit here and say how exciting it was and yada yada yada, because I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I was internally freaking out a bit. How was I going to handle two babies at the same time??? But I had to sit back, relax (an infertile’s favorite word), and remember…God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle. He made us go through this difficult and heartbreaking time for a reason and if He wanted us to have twins, He’d help me make my way through it. U
But this post isn’t about God or about our sweet Baby B who had double bubble trouble, it's not even about pro-life or pro-choice, it’s about being responsible and making informed choices. Whether its fertility treatments or breastfeeding or vaccines, you are responsible for another life/lives. You are your child’s protector, cheerleader, coach. It’s YOUR responsibility to stand up and do what’s best for your child and your family which may not be the same for every family. We’re all different, we can all make our own choices, but you need to make responsible choices. Maybe this was what was best for their family, but if they weren’t prepared to have triplets then why transfer all three embryos??? I couldn’t even imagine sitting in that room and staring at the monitor as they ended the life of the child(ren) they’d prayed for every day. I think this story is heart wrenching to anyone, but especially those of us who have been through the process and especially for those who have been through it and still have empty arms. Then there’s stories like this that break my heart for an entirely different reason. 
My advice to anyone going through fertility treatments is to know what’s going on, understand what you’re doing not only to your body but to your children as well. My heart and prayers are with those two precious angels.
To our sweet Baby B, although we never met you, we love you more than you'll ever know.


Joanna Daniel said...

This article still weighs so heavy on my heart. I've been praying for those babies. As you said, the doctor reminds you time & time again, that there are chances for multiples, no matter how slim, they still remind you all the time. If you aren't willing to accept multiples, for goodness sakes, don't transfer all 3! That's my biggest issue with this article. Why would you do that? Even if they aren't good quality, the womb is such a magical place that they could survive. I hope more people will make informed decisions.

Slamdunk said...

Great topic and I hope you challenge others to think who are Google and stumble upon your post.

Those are adult decisions that require forethought--rather then selfish reactions.